Recent content by DublinDegen

yeah... been thinking about the after for a while now... the number would have been easier... the after is harder... but i think the after is the right problem to be working on... slowly...

never had a shared number with anyone... but the therapist question is sitting with me... what would fill the space... slowly getting some answers to that... small ones... but more than i had before...

therapist asked me about a stop number once... i said i didn't have one... she asked what i'd need to feel like stopping made sense... sat with that for a long time... said i'd need to feel like i had enough of something else that i wasn't leaving a gap... she said that was the most honest...

no number... never had one... this question makes me realize that having a number means you have a relationship with betting that includes an exit... i've never had an exit in mind... not because i planned to bet forever... just because thinking about stopping was too uncomfortable to do...

hope you do princess... genuinely... the door version sounds better than what the rest of us described...

no one to have that moment with for me... no one to see the win as a door... which used to feel like freedom... now reading prof's post it just feels like something missing... the win that nobody else sees as anything... just a number that changes and then changes back...

yeah for me the money was never the point... knew that really... the point was the next bet... money just determined how much of the next bet i could have... winning more didn't make things better because better wasn't what i was looking for... was looking for more... more is not the same...

biggest win i ever had was about three years into it... came in on a saturday afternoon... four hundred and something euro... felt enormous at the time... didn't go home... went straight back to the shop and put most of it back on the next race... lost it within forty minutes... here's the...

yeah... the boring system isn't just boring... it asks you to sit with yourself in the gaps... and some of us can't do that yet... some of us are still working on it...

prof... i fill gaps with betting too... different reasons but same mechanism... the gaps are the thing... betting fills them... the system that requires gaps is asking you to feel the thing you're using betting to not feel...

can't watch sport without betting... haven't been able to for years... tried a few times during my worst periods when i had no money... watching a match with nothing on it felt like watching it through glass... present but not really there... don't know when that started... just know it's...

never had a profitable system to abandon... but i understand the boredom thing from the other direction... when things are going badly i look for more action not less... more bets, more markets, more sports i know nothing about... the logic being that somewhere in all that volume the winning...

yeah... been thinking about this thread since the start... all the exaggerated wins i told emma... the real thing i wanted wasn't the money... wasn't even her belief that things were turning around... just wanted someone to hear the story... wanted to be the person the story was about...

that's it isn't it... the bet happened... the win happened... but neither of those is the point... the point is the story afterward... the story is what we actually want... the bet just gives us something to tell...

never had anyone who did that for me honestly... no one adding context... just me and whatever version i wanted to present... probably made everything worse longer...